True American, Government Style
by semprefede
Summary: One-shot. Mike Warren finds himself hungover after a one night stand in Jess Day's bed. This is what commences when the serious FBI agent meets Schmidt, Winston, and Nick.


**So I was watching the episode of New Girl where they introduce the game of True American. After reading through the extensive (and random) rules, I decided it would be fun to cross it over with another show. With that idea, I was trying to find a show that takes place in LA-and I found Graceland. To be fair, I shipped Aaron Tveit and Zooey Deschanel a long time ago.**

* * *

Mike wraps his arm around the sleeping form next to him. He sits up abruptly and grabs his head. He was dizzy and nauseous—the signs of a hangover. The woman next to him rolls over but doesn't wake, and Mike lets out a sigh of relief. He just realized he wasn't in Graceland—he was in a shitty apartment room. The night before was hazy, but he remembered meeting this woman at The Drop. Mike was getting over having to let Abby go; he couldn't handle lying anymore. He'd gone and made more trouble by sleeping with this woman.

"Morning," the woman says, her voice husky and warm against his skin. Her eyes shoot open, and he's mesmerized by them. They're the brightest of blues. Mike's jaw slightly drops. "Shit, shit, shit… I have got to get you out of here before I'm putting a fortune into the jar." Mike's eyebrows furrow at her. She sighs and pulls the covers over her face. "My name is Jess. You probably don't remember, you were pretty trashed." She doesn't emerge from the covers, and Mike just stares at her. Now he remembered, and he smiles widely. Jess pulls the covers down to see his smile.

"Jess Day—you're a teacher. You have eyes the color of the ocean and secrets deeper than that." Mike laughs at the stunned look on her face. He places a kiss on her forehead. "I should be going; my roommates will worry if I'm not home before ten." Jess' mouth draws up in a small grin.

"Stay for breakfast, Mike. My roommates will pay big for it." Jess has a full blown smile now, and Mike laughs.

"Deal."

* * *

"Hey, any of you seen Mike?" Paige's confused tone makes Johnny smile. She had been out on a case last night and hadn't gone to The Drop with Mike and Johnny.

"Our boy Mikey went home with a super cute chick last night. We were talking about his old girl, Abby, over drinks, and then we just weren't. But I specifically remember him leaving with some girl—she had dark hair, bangs, and some killer blue eyes." Paige raises an eyebrow at Johnny.

"Please tell me you got some action—that poor woman couldn't have been there without a friend." Johnny's mouth turns in to a frown. He was bitter about the whole situation.

"Her friends were all men." Paige laughs, and Charlie grabs orange juice from the fridge.

"Please," Charlie says, "tell me you got me one of those guys' numbers?" She takes a swig from the carton before putting it back in the fridge. The two girls laugh, and Briggs rubs his eyes, entering the kitchen.

"Where's Mike? He was supposed to be setting up a meeting with Bello today." Johnny laughs.

"The only meeting Mike is setting up is a meeting with some sexy brunette." Briggs jokingly slaps Johnny upside the head, and the room erupts with laughter. They'd let Mike have his fun, but they wanted to know all about it later.

* * *

"So, Mike, is it?" The man cooking the food was light framed. Definitely agile and in shape, but nothing compared to Mike.

"Yep. Mike Warren." The man cooking eggs and bacon turns around, sticking his free hand out as way of introduction.

"I'm Schmidt. I'm the sexiest man you will ever meet." Jess rolls her eyes.

"Jar, Schmidt. Jar." The man sighs, setting the pan on the stove top and putting money in a jar on the table. "Besides, you introduced yourself to him last night. He might not remember you, but that's probably for the better." Two men make their way to the couch, sighing. Mike raises an eyebrow.

"Hey, Mike. I'm Winston, that's Nick. I'm assuming you don't remember us, because you won five games of True American last night. In which case, I might add that you are one smart man. So smart, we owe money to the jar." Mike laughs, but he gives a questioning look to Jess.

"Okay, I'll explain. The jar over there is what we call the Douchebag Jar. Anytime one of us makes a douchebag-y comment, insult, or the like, we owe money to the jar. How much you owe depends on the severity of the comment. It can also depend on what number offense you're on that day. Needless to say, Schmidt is the lead contributor to the jar. Nick and Winston, however, have fallen very low on this lovely morning." Mike laughs, giving a wide smile to Jess. She smiles back, tucking a piece of hair behind her ear. Her smile causes a few laugh lines to show right at her eyes, as well as a small dimple in her left cheek.

"What about the game, uh, 'True American'? I'm assuming it's a drinking game." Jess' eyes light up and the whole room is laughing.

"True American is a game made up by the roommates of this household. It's a fifty percent drinking game, fifty percent life-sized Candy Land." Schmidt shakes his head.

"I thought we agreed it's seventy five drinking and twenty Candy Land." Winston rolls his eyes and turns toward Mike.

"In all actuality, it's a ninety percent drinking game with a loose Candy Land-like structure to it. Oh, and the floor is molten lava." The memories of the night before were coming back to Mike. He remembers giving Jess a piggyback ride to the table where they finished off the last two beers and won the first game.

"Oh, right. There's the whole JFK-FDR thing, number holdings, finish the quote, and the two of a kind things." The whole apartment just nods. Before Mike can continue, his phone rings. He looks at the caller ID and shakes his head. "Sorry, I have to take this." He presses the button to take the call. "What do you want, Johnny?" Mike listens to the reply on the other end, then sets his phone on the counter and presses it to speaker phone. "Alright, you're on speaker."

_"So who was that girl from The Drop last night?" _Mike chuckles, slowly shaking his head back and forth. Johnny was just prying. It was actually likely that the whole house was listening in to catch a sneak peak at Mike's sex life.

"Her name is Jess. She's actually sitting right next to me. We're about to enjoy a nice breakfast of jalapeno omelets and bacon." He hears Johnny whoops and cheers.

_"JT told me there were three guys that were her wingman. I swear, Mikey, if you don't get me their numbers I will personally chop off your balls and put them in a blender." _The words Charlie spoke made the three male roommates look over to Mike. Schmidt mutes their side of the conversation.

"Yo, Mikey Warren, why didn't you tell us you have a hot chick as a roommate?!" Jess points to the Douchebag Jar, and Schmidt puts in another two dollars. Mike laughs.

"Charlie can be a lot to handle. Between her and Paige, our house gets hectic." The men's eyes go wide.

"Dammit, man, you have two women living in your house and you didn't mention it? I thought we were cool." Winston's reaction to the situation makes Mike laugh.

"How about this: Winston and I are single. Hook us up. Schmidt already has Cece to himself, so he's all good." Nick is going full out with his hand gestures. "Come on, Mike." Winston and Nick stick out their lips, and Mike laughs. He unmutes his phone.

"Hey, Charlie, I can do even better than numbers. Don't make plans for tonight, okay? Take the breakables out of the living room. And I'm going need you to break out the Jack. I'll explain the game when I get home. You and Paige better be prettied up by tonight. Bye baby doll." Mike ends the phone call and looks at the group of roommates now staring at him from the couch. "I hope you four are up for an intense game of True American." The apartment erupts in cheers, and Mike smiles. Jess rewards him with a kiss on the lips. Who knew a one night stand could feel like so much more.


End file.
